


Because I Cared

by MEOW_I_am_a_cat



Series: Because [2]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, FWB, Friends With Benefits, Gay Sex, IT'S SO ANGSTY, Light Bondage, M/M, Orgasm Denial, SERIOUSLY DON'T READ IF YOU DON'T WANT YOUR HEART RIPPED OUT, Sad, Sex, Smut, actually its not as bad as the first one, fight, i think thats it, i'm actually not sure if this would go in explicit but idk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-22
Updated: 2015-06-22
Packaged: 2018-04-05 13:08:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4180977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MEOW_I_am_a_cat/pseuds/MEOW_I_am_a_cat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sequel to Because I Loved You<br/>It’s not fun. It hasn’t been fun for a year, now. It’s not simple, it’s not easy, it’s not safe. It was fun. But now it’s not. It’s nothing. There is absolutely nothing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Because I Cared

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Father's Day, everyone!  
> Just got home from church, so have some more angsty smut. Alternate title: Don’t Let Me Write Angsty Smut While Watching Orange Is The New Black  
> Oh! By the way, Because I Loved You is ~2012 and Because I Cared is ~2013 for a time frame for you.

It’s not fun. It hasn’t been fun for a year, now. It’s not simple, it’s not easy, it’s not safe. It _was_ fun. But now it’s not. It’s nothing. There is absolutely nothing.

No touches. Even before it all went to hell, they could still brush up against each other or lay a hand on the other’s shoulder, but now that’s all gone. There’s nothing. If skin brushes skin at all, they jump apart immediately, and mutter their “Sorry”s.

No words. It used to be that they could say anything. There were no boundaries. Now the only words spoken between them are mandatory for their coexistence together.

In public, they’re still friends. They still play up the relationship for fans. They’re still happy together in videos. To any outside spectator, it would be difficult to see the awkwardness, but people still notice. People still speculate. They guess that a falling out has happened. They’re right.

There’s nothing, now.

There’s no sex, there’s no kisses, there’s no shared beds, there’s no _love_.

They hate it.

~x~x~

On the last day, Phil stood too close for Dan’s liking. Now he’s too far away. Try as he might to deny it, Dan’s changed his mind. He _wants_ Phil close again. He _wants_ to feel Phil’s skin on his own. He _needs_ it. But Phil doesn’t. It’s like a switch. Just one or the other. Never both. When Dan’s in love with Phil, Phil just wants friendship. When Dan finally gets over Phil, suddenly it’s the other way around. Phil’s head over heels in love but Dan isn’t. Dan doesn’t want love, and he doesn’t want to lead Phil on or anything, so he doesn’t want anything at all.

Now that he’s the one in love again, it isn’t fun. It isn’t fun and he wants to try again but doesn’t know how to say it and it isn’t _fun_.

~x~x~

Sometimes he’ll try.

“Phil, I think --”

But it never works.

“Did you want anything in particular for lunch today?”

So he gives up. He doesn’t want to talk anymore.

“No, I’m not really hungry. You do whatever.”

~x~x~

Eventually, he works up the courage. He does it when Phil’s out at Tesco. He thinks it will be easier if he doesn’t have to see Phil’s face when he does it. So he calls him.

It’s not fun.

It’s not simple.

It’s not safe.

But it’s probably easy.

Probably.

Hopefully.

He pulls up Phil’s contact in his phone.

_Call_

It rings.

Once.

Twice.

Three times.

“Y’know, Dan, if you want something you can just text me.”

“Phil, I --”

“But while I have you here, what cereal did you want?”

“Phil, I think I’m in love with you again,” he blurts out.

Nothing.

Dan counts out the seconds of seemingly endless silence in his head.

One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

Nothing.

Five.

Six.

Seven.

Silence.

Eight.

Nine.

Ten.

Eleven.

“Phil?”

Thirteen.

Fourteen.

Fifteen.

Sixteen.

“Phil?”

Eighteen.

Nineteen.

“Phil, are you there?”

Twenty-two.

Twenty-three.

Dan takes the phone away from his ear.

Twenty-five.

 _Call ended_ flashes on his screen.

“Fuck.”

Phil doesn’t come home that night. He stops by, though. Dan knows because he checked every once in a while. Somehow he didn’t manage to be looking when Phil came by, though. But he did catch the grocery bags, sitting just outside their apartment door.

He continues to call Phil, even though he knows he won’t answer. But he calls. He waits for it to ring, and listens closely to Phil’s voicemail message every time before leaving a message for him.

“Phil, I’m sorry, I just -- _Fuck!_ I’m sorry, okay?”

“Hey, Phil, just wanted to ask where you were. I... I do worry about you...”

“Phil, if you want, just forget it. I can pretend I never said anything and we can go back to whatever the fuck we are -- or, were -- or whatever.”

“Phil, _answer your goddamned PHONE!_ ”

“Seriously where the fuck are you?”

Then, he can tell Phil’s seeing the calls. He can tell because they ring for less, but it doesn’t go straight to voicemail. He can tell he’s being sent to that dreadful inbox of missed calls.

“Phil I know you’re sending me to voicemail.”

“Phil what are you doing?”

Then it stops ringing altogether.

“Phil I know you turned your phone off.”

“Please just come home. I miss you.”

“Don’t just leave me. I miss you. I need you. I love you.”

At some point in the long, sleepless night, Dan begins to cry. By the early hours of the morning, he’s sobbing and his words are indistinguishable.

“ _PhilI’msorrybutI’minlovewithyou._ ”

Eventually, he stops leaving messages. He keeps calling, though, listening to Phil’s voice in his message.

“ _Hi, this is Phil. I’m not here right now so please leave a message after the RAWR!"_

Those words, over and over again. Played constantly through the night, until Dan finally falls asleep to Phil’s voice, even lying on Phil’s bed, curled up into a ball.

~x~x~

A slamming door wakes Dan up.

“You twit! _Twelve_ voicemails?”

He opens his eyes and blinks a few times, regaining his surroundings. Someone’s turned the light on. Probably the same someone who’s shouting at him. Phil. _Phil_. Phil’s back!

“Not to mention the other, what, _thirty_ missed calls?” He pulls his phone out and checks. “Thirty-five missed calls, Dan! _Thirty-five_! What the hell?”

Dan curls his head further down, into the safe cocoon of his body.

Phil marches over and pulls Dan roughly to his feet. Dan just hangs his head, tears prickling at his eyes, threatening to fall.

“Seriously! And you’re sleeping in my bed now, too?”

“‘M sorry,” is all Dan says.

Phil groans in frustration. “ _Dan_. Just -- just get out. Get out of my room and leave me alone!”

Dan snaps at that.

“No! You know what, Phil? I don’t _care_ where you were. I don’t _care_ if you were out getting pissed at some cheap bar, or if you just crashed at someone else’s place. I care that you were _gone_ ! I called you because I _cared_. I fucking love you, Phil! I tell you and you walk out! We can’t keep doing this anymore!”

“Doing _what_ , Dan? We’re not fucking anymore! We aren’t together! So what can’t we be doing? Ignoring each other? Hating each other? Hating _ourselves_ ? Or telling each other that we love them? Because you can’t act like this is all my fault! You’re the one who did it _first_ . I told you I fucking loved you, and what did you do? You pushed me away! _You’re_ the reason we’re like this now! _You’re_ the reason we’re both so distant! It’s all _your_ fault! Not mine! _You’re_ the one doing this! Not me!”

“Fuck you, Phil.”

“Fuck you, Dan.”

“Oh, you _wish_ you could,” Dan scoffs.

And he’s up against the wall. Pressed against the hard surface, with his wrists pinned above his head, and his body held in place by Phil’s other arm across his chest.

His eyes are wide, shocked. He swallows hard when he catches Phil’s gaze. It’s dark with lust and anger.

“I fucking hate you,” Phil whispers, before smashing his mouth to Dan’s.

“The feeling is mutual,” Dan gasps out when Phil pulls away.

“Oh, no, you _love_ me.” Phil’s voice is hushed and breathy at Dan’s ear, biting and sucking on the sensitive skin of Dan’s neck. “You’d let me fuck you whenever and wherever I want. You’d have absolutely no objections to anything, even if I wanted sex up against this very wall.”

Dan takes a shuddery breath. “Go ahead.”

“But I’d quite like to tie you up. Leave you squirming beneath me, even though you know you can’t move.” Phil suddenly releases him, moving to rummage through his closet.

Dan just stands there, blinking. Waiting, in his too-tight-in-the-crotch jeans he had fallen asleep in, for Phil to give him some sort of instruction.

“Lie on the bed. Strip for me,” Phil commands as he pulls his own shirt off. Dan hates to admit it, but he quite likes this dominant side of Phil. He watches as Phil returns to his side with an old tie and bottle of lube in his hand. His eyes rake across Dan’s body, and he tosses the small bottle at the foot of the bed. Dan’s arms are pulled above his head once more. Phil’s hands set you work, securing Dan’s to the headboard. Dan gives the fabric a sharp tug, testing the restraints.

“Been practicing, have you?” he remarks smugly.

“So what if I have?

“I fucking hate you so much,” says Phil, pressing hot, open-mouth kisses along Dan’s chest, sucking at the pale skin. Dan arches his back in response, pushing himself closer to his... lover? Can he even call Phil that? Or is he just a fuck? That’s all they are, now, isn’t it? Just a quick fuck and then back to nothing. Absolutely nothing.

“Love you, too.”

Phil pours the lube over his fingers and slips one inside Dan, eliciting a gasp from the boy beneath him.

He wastes no time in adding a second, continuing to stretch him.

“Just -- just fucking --”

Phil crooks his fingers, still knowing exactly where to press to find Dan’s prostate.

“-- Oh my _God_ , Phil! Just -- fucking -- Just _fuck me, already!_ ”

Phil obeys. He reaches for the bottle of lube once more. At some point between tying Dan up and fingering him, Phil’s own jeans and pants had been removed. Craning his head to look at Phil, Dan watches as Phil spreads the cool liquid across his hard dick and lines himself up with Dan’s hole. He goes in slow, and keeps the agonizing pace as he thrusts in and out, fingers gripping Dan’s hip bones tightly. Both of them know there will be bruises by later that day.

Phil smirks down at Dan, who is writhing on the bed, attempting to speed up Phil’s pace on his own by bucking his hips, but Phil’s strong hold on him keeps him in place. He pulls on his restraints, knowing that if he keeps up the pressure his wrists might bruise as well, only those will be much harder to hide. Of course, the dark love bites across his neck and collar bones will be a bitch as well.

“ _Please_ ,” Dan begs. “Just fucking _move_.”

Phil stops inside Dan, knowing it will annoy him even more. “I thought I was.”

“ _Faster_.”

Phil gives his ass a quick slap. “Stop being such a bossy bottom.”

“Stop being such a tease. I’ll never get off at this rate.”

Phil picks up his pace, soon slamming into Dan, hard and fast.

He can tell when Dan’s about to cum, even before he’s warned. He watches as Dan climbs higher and higher, and at the last second, pulls out.

“ _Fuck_! Fuck you, Phil!”

Phil just walks around the bed to stand by Dan’s head. He reaches up, making like he’s going to undo the restraints on Dan’s hands, but just slowly drags his fingers down the exposed flesh until caressing Dan’s face.

“I fucking hate you,” he mutters, before pressing a gentle kiss to Dan’s cheek.

He saunters back to the door, swaying his hips ever so slightly on his way. “I think I’m going to go have a shower.”

“I still love you,” Dan says as Phil is just passing through the doorway.

He watches as Phil stops, hesitating for a moment, before hurriedly slamming the door behind him.

But Dan swears he heard Phil say something between the silence of the hesitation and the slam of the door. Perhaps it was him telling Dan off yet again. Perhaps it was nothing. Perhaps it was, finally, another whispered “I love you.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> I was thinking of writing a third part (maybe give them an actual happy ending?) but after that I don't know if I should just leave it here or not. What do you think?


End file.
